Welcome to my Little Luke!

We are so happy to have the 6th member of our family join us! Luke has been a wonderful addition to our family and I wanted to write about his birth before I forget the details...

We had a scheduled C Section for 12:00 pm. It was really nice to be able to wake up at a normal time and not have to rush out the door at 6:00 am. We had a relaxing morning and Grandma Sharon came down to be with the 3 big brothers. We went back up to IMC in Murray because I like my doctor up there so much and I'm glad that we did. Their O.R. seems more legit some how, more modern and techy. (Yes I make up words now, my brain resorts to whatever means neccesary to communicate.)

We had some time to kill because my doc was a little busy so we watched some football in our room. Nate and I were both more relaxed this time having gone through it so recently. I just couldn't wait to meet baby #4. Finally they came to take us to the delivery room and the surgery was under way. They offered me a mirror this time so I could watch the whole thing. As they were cutting into me I just kept thinking, "Oh man, that's going to hurt later..." But I am so glad that I could see because I got to see my sweet baby Luke's head right as he came out. He was so fat! His cheeks and arms and legs had little rolls on him and there were exclamations of surprise at his size all around. They took him over to weigh him and check on him and I could hear his angry cry. I immediately thought he sounded more like Caden - kind of loud bursting screeches that you couldn't believe came out of someone so tiny. The word that came to my mind was strong. I knew he was a strong soul.

They wrapped him up and brought him over to me and sure enough he even looked more like Caden than his other two brothers. He was still a little unhappy with a gorgeous bottom lip pout but he was calm and I just wanted to kiss his chubby little cheeks. It took them longer than expected to sew me up. So many kids, so many surgeries, putting my back together proved to be a little challenging. Luckily I felt totally safe in the hands of my doc. But I did loose a lot of blood and felt on the verge of fainting for the following 30 - 40 min. The room was swimming and I felt like I was in a happy dream. There is no other experience like the euphoria of a successful birth and having just met someone you would die for.

My dad was in a hurry to catch a flight to Africa that day so he was outside the O.R. waiting with my sweet sisters. They snapped some pics and gave us all hugs and then took off. I honestly don't remember much because I felt like I was barely hanging on to consciousness.

Throughout that day and the following few days in the hospital all the nurses kept commenting on how strong Luke was for a newborn. His resistance to straightening his arms to get dressed or his legs to get his foot pricked was always surprising everyone. I would hold him to feed and the impression I got was that his little spirit wanted to hit the ground running! He was trying so hard, expending so much effort. It was like he thought he could grow up faster if he just tried hard enough. What a remarkable little man.

We had lots of visitors and everyone was excited to meet the little guy. Wherever he went in the room he would turn his head toward the sound of my voice. Tyler was especially honored  because of the name choice. Don't ask me why but I felt so good about it from the moment we found out he was a boy. Tyler is a very special guy, very unique. He has all the toughness of a "Ross Man" and at the same time he is very perceptive and caring with people. He is a great bridge builder. I felt this little spirit may benefit from a special connection to his uncle.

His middle name was a favorite of mine before we even picked out a first name. As I went back to the list of names we made when we were expecting Gavin, Luke wasn't even on the list. But it has been one of my favorite boy names since we very first found out Blake was a boy. In fact we called Blake Luke while he was still inside me for just over a week. Then I had a dream and I could not remember it when I woke up but I was alert and focused and I knew that the baby inside me was not supposed to be named Luke. I don't know why it never came up with Gavin, but here we are, finally with the real Luke in our home.

Getting him home turned out to be more complicated than any of our other children. On the second evening in the hospital they ran a test on the oxygen levels in his hand and foot to test circulation. He was low so they retested in an hour. He was still low and they decided to monitor him. Eventually the pediatrician came in to the hospital and took a look. He suggested that we transfer him down to the NICU just so he could be monitored more closely.

I was feeling good, or at least I couldn't feel my own pain at the moment, so I choose to walk down with Luke to the NICU. I sat in a chair next to Nate as about 5 or 6 nurses/doctors checked him and hooked him up to monitors and oxygen. They were all listening to his heart and talking amongst themselves for about 10 minutes before they even recognized that we were in the room. They assured us and told us of the tests they planned to run and asked a bunch of questions.

I started to relax and realized how much pain I was in. I was barely over 24 hours out of surgery, walking all over the place, and forgetting about my pain meds. They sent me back upstairs to rest and I cried the whole way. I was so mad. Not at anyone in particular. My instincts just told me to be a Mama Bear and protect that strong little guy and yet I knew I couldn't do anything. Plus the first hours of the NICU are the hardest for me, not knowing anything.

Over the next week Luke had two echoes, lots of oxygen, and I was released to come home without him. It turns out that he had a mild case of pulmonary hypertension. Nate and I had to stay the night at the hospital while Jessica stayed with our boys to get trained on his equipment to bring him home. We had his oxymitter and tank in tow when we left with him the next day. About 10 minutes into the drive on the way home the alarm started beeping that his oxygen levels were low. I looked at his tank and it was empty. Good job IMC staff... they made us watch a video on how to install a carseat properly and then sent us home with an empty oxygen tank. Ugh. Thank goodness for smart phones, we found the home healthcare place we were using right off the freeway and we went in and got a replacement tank.

All of his gear was delivered later that night and his room looked oddly like a hospital room but he was home! It felt so good to go to sleep with everyone under the same roof that night. His oxymitter only beeped when he would cry and fuss so he did really well. He was ready to be home. He was such a good sport with all the wires and stickers. My mom came and stayed with us which saved our sanity. I couldn't have the boys running around Luke's room while I fed or rocked him so I was kind of MIA that week for the other boys. Luckily Luke was only on the oxygen for a little over a week before we did the test and he came off it for good on Christmas Eve. It was so great to have Christmas morning all together as a family with no tanks or tubes.

Life with Luke is crazy thanks to his 3 older brothers. But Luke is a sweet boy who is excited to be alive. He sometimes tries too hard making eating a burping a little more difficult than it has to be. But he is a good sleeper at night, taking a couple 4 - 5 hour stretches of sleep so that is nice. We have found our new normal and I can actually say that we are happily surviving this craziness. Four kids in three and a half years is not for the faint of heart, haha. Adoring the heck out of each boy individually helps a lot.

Ross Family Rules

Smiling Gavin

Two And a Half

Caden and Blake are two and a half this month and they have grown up by leaps and bounds since Gavin was born. They ask each other to play specific games like throwing pillows off the couch and shooting hoops in the back yard. "Caden, play pillows?" They want to get along for the most part and I am so grateful for that little shift in behavior.

They also value time with me more than before so I love to spoil them with afternoon play. We played pirates a few days ago. After fighting sharks (large zuchinis), swimming to the deserted island, following a treasure map to the X and digging up a baggie of cookies they were saying "Ahrrr matey!" for the rest of the day. Seriously... how fun is my life? Gavin wouldn't be left out of the fun so I carried him around in his sling. 

We don't always go to such lengths to have fun but I love playing pretend. It takes some effort and preparation but it's usually worth it. Most of the time they get me in the backyard to play basketball or watch them mow the lawn. They get so happy when I play with them I feel like the guest of honor. They make sure I have my own basketball and they both chase after it and retrieve it every time I take a shot. They say, "Good job Mamma, you made it!" or "Almost Mamma, try again!"

Blake is such a smart little kid. He has the art of manipulation down pat already. For example, their cousin Sammy was sitting in a toy car. Both boys wanted to play with it so Caden opens up the door and tries to pull him out by the arm. Of course, that gets an immediate response from me and we try to distract Caden with something else. Then it's Blake's turn. He opens the door to the car and slowly moves his face towards Sam until he's mere inches away, forcing Sam (who is a full year younger) to push him away. Blake fake falls back onto the grass and starts whining. Amanda gets up and scolds Sammy for pushing and lets Blake into the car with a look of triumph on his face. Luckily I know all the tricks so I didn't let him get away with it. But Blake does surprise me lately by how calculated he is. He thinks several steps ahead and plans his next move very carefully. 

Underneath all the planning Blake loves to feel like a big boy and reminds us that he is all the time. He is also our little dancer. I'm afraid I taught him to be pretty nerdy because his dancing is one or two fingers in the air with a little head bop. Either that or both hands on his back kicking his feet around. 

Caden, on the other hand, is the epitome of living in the moment. Every emotion and decision is a full force expression of NOW. It makes his joy unbridled and his sorrow tug at my heart strings but it also makes him very impatient. When I'm feeding Gavin and he wants me to play he gives me a stern look and says, "Mamma, put Gavin down now! Play baskaball." 

Caden was the reason I found an outdoor basketball hoop on KSL. He loved the one at Grandma Rosemary's so much he played with it for over an hour. He is so persistent and focused on whatever he is doing. He also loves music. We were in the car the other day and I was singing along with the lyrics "tonight's going to be a good good night" and there was Caden in the back seat singing, "good night, good night!" He is also copying the words from the songs on Super Why. That is the new favorite show lately. 

Oh man... they are in a classic argument right now about whether or not to leave the door open. It is such a power struggle. They both want to be in charge of their brother and fight over the dumbest things trying to show who is the boss. These fights usually end up with Caden pushing, tackling or throwing something causing an enraged Blake to retaliate and ends with two crying boys. 

But I will take much of the blame for that one. On days that I try to be super productive around the house they spend a little too much time together alone. If I provide a good day of activities and attention they really have good intentions towards each other and me. 

Then there is my sweet buddy Gavin. I love when I as I burp him he looks up at me with his big eyes. He is my little doll and he's all ready for BYU football season! (I just wish it was going to be a better season...) Look at that face! How can you not be in love with him?  

 Aunt Jessy asked if I had any impressions about him and his personality and the thing that shines in those little eyes to me is purpose. It's like he knows he came to earth for very specific reasons and he's here to make them happen. It feels like he knows he needs to be a baby for a while in order to get where he wants to go and he is content with his journey. I also feel like he trusts me. Not only to feed him and help him sleep but to help him accomplish his purposes on earth. I am his partner in making it all happen. What a privilege. 

I wouldn't be up to the task without Nate. He is SUCH a good boy daddy, I blame him for us having all boys. He is an incredible mix of tough love and energetic play. He has really taken his responsibility for our first yard seriously this summer. The volleyball pit is going to be a pain to keep weed free over the years but he's gotten the hang of sprinklers and fertilizing etc. He even laid down a beautiful layer of bark in the front yard. His work is going well also. He finally got some time to put towards creating a data visualization library for the company and has really made a name for himself. DV is his baby and everyone wants it. He has also become the appointed diplomat to deal with disagreements with a company in Swizterland. Adobe bought them out as well. The cultural differences bolstered by the ever present programmer pride has caused more than a few skirmishes between the teams. Luckily Nate has a way of saying things in a way that it sounds like he's agreeing with you when actually he's disagreeing. (Perhaps that's a skill he's had to master being married to me???) 

Anyway, our life is not a fairytale, I just write about it that way. We have our challenges too, just nothing worth remembering. 

Gavin's Birth Story

Gavin Matthew Ross. 

Born at 9:17 am on August 6th 2012. 

Eight pounds five ounces. 

What a day. What a wonderful, joyful, heart-expanding day! Caden and Blake spent the night before at Grandpa Scott's house because Nate and I had to wake up pretty early. It was one of those mornings that when the alarm went off you were immediately excited because a long anticipated day had finally arrived. I slept much better this time than I did with the boys. I was so nervous the first time around, not knowing what to expect. Our lives, especially mine, was about to change forever. This time, I felt like my current life was expanding more than changing.

Maybe that's why, one week ago, we hurried into the American Fork Hospital like kids in a candy store. Nate was in high spirits, making me laugh in his marshmallow outfit. We chatted about his work, hospital food and what name we might give the baby. We had narrowed it down to Gavin or Chase and decided we would know when we saw him.

Once I had my IV in my hand I began to relax. Peace started to overtake the excitement as I contemplated meeting my new best friend. There was a picture of a baby on the cabinet in my hospital room and I just kept smiling at the little face. I couldn't believe I was going to have a newborn in my life again!

When they asked if I was ready to go into the operating room I couldn't believe how ready I felt. I have been frantic all spring and summer getting ready for this baby. We found out I was expecting just two weeks after moving in to our new home. I felt like our life was chaos and I had to find some order before we welcomed the newest member of our family. My checklist was endless and I'm sure I didn't get it all done. Yet somehow I have never felt more ready for anything in my entire life. I wanted our son with us, chaos or not.

The surgery went like clockwork. Sarah McLachlan's "Remember You" was playing over the speakers when I  felt the pressure release and heard a little growling scream that sounded like a baby bear. His lungs definitely worked! Then I saw the matted hair and pink body of what I knew to be a perfectly healthy baby boy. "8 pounds 5 ounces" appeared on the scale. I was overwhelmed with joy at this wonderful gift that seemed to appear out of thin air. All the sudden I loved that little ball of flesh as much as my husband and children. He was instantly one of us. It was similar to the birth of the boys in that I felt like I had always known them, that we were simply meeting again after a long absence. Like I have already loved them all my life. 

To say I was a picky patient on my first day may have been an understatement. At the twin's birth the boys never left my side all during the surgery all the way through their first baths. This hospital had a different policy and I was not supposed to see MY baby for 45 min to an hour after surgery! I talked to all the nurses and begged them to bring my baby back up to my floor as soon as I got out. They said they would try and to my surprise my sweet baby Gavin was in my room two minutes after I arrived there myself. I knew it was Gavin as soon as he was born, luckily Nate felt the same way. 

Then I discovered I was going to miss his first bath, one of my fondest memories of the hospital with the twins. I said no, that we would bathe him ourselves in our room if need be. So they wheeled my whole hospital bed into the nursery so I could see his first bath! I felt like such a pain to everyone but the staff was so nice and I loved watching the little pink bundle of flesh and matted hair turn into a baby. What a face!

We had lots of visitors and we so appreciate our family for showing us their support. Welcoming Gavin would not have been complete without his extended family around to greet him. The most anticipated visitors didn't come until I had a chance to rest. A day and a half after Gavin was born he met his two older brothers. They walked into the hospital room and said, "Momma!" with big smiles. Then I think the big hospital bed intimidated them because they ran to Dada instead :)  After a few minutes of playing tickles with Dada we brought them over to see Gavin. They were intrigued with his little features, especially his feet.

 Most of our time in the hospital was pretty relaxed. My pain meds kept me happy and slightly loopy. Nate had many a laugh at my expense. I would start speaking, stop mid sentence, and completely forget what I was going to say. I had one bad night because of the air bubbles in my shoulders and chest. I couldn't breathe without extreme pain. Luckily my mom was watching the boys and Nate was at the hospital with me. I had wonderful nurses but nothing compares to your number one person being there when you need them. Within an hour I had calmed down and was able to feed Gavin again.

Speaking of eating, Gavin Matthew Ross is living up to his uncle's legacy. He could eat continually, with brief naps in between, all day long. Within 5 minutes of holding him for the first time we tried to get him to eat and I made up the word "insta-latch". I have been blessed with a great breast-feeding baby! Twins were a real trial in this area so perhaps I appreciate it that much more. He ate well enough to keep his billi levels low so he hasn't needed any supplemental feeding. It also makes for adorable chubby cheeks :)

Bringing Gavin home felt completely natural. I've had his room ready for months and his brother proof space (a bouncer in a pack n play) set up for two weeks in the corner of the living room. Caden kept saying, "Baby brudder came outta Momma's tummy!" Blake couldn't stop holding him. Even when Gavin started crying, I asked Blake if he wanted me to take him and he said, "No, where's his binky?"

 He only wakes up twice a night and I'm back in bed in a half an hour. It's a dream come true. I think it's safe to say that Gavin is pretty happy to finally be here.

Gavin is such a good baby. He loves being held but is fine laying down wrapped up. He likes a binky but can sleep without it. He's my easy going little buddy. And he's already taken up his first hobby: modeling the latest baby fashions.

I was worried about how the big brothers would do with Mommy being so preoccupied. But they have become great friend with their grandparents, and Daddy, and most of all each other. Yes they still fight. But they have learned that getting along makes the day a lot more fun.

Mommy-Talk Update

These boys... they are cutting their molars right now and are a little testy and emotional lately. Maybe Heavenly Father timed it this way so I could have some empathy for Nate and what he has to put up with being married to pregnant me :)

I have been decorating their rooms so that they have more than 4 white walls and a crib. They are finally almost done so I can start focusing on the nursery. It's going to be a sports themed room because that's what Nate wanted to do with the boys originally and I vetoed it. I figured it was his turn :) Blakey is the dinosaur boy so he got dinosaur art while Caden gets a baboon. He is obsessed. He asks to go to Nana's house all the time just to see the baboon book. They both love animals and dinosaurs but they have their favorites.

For example Blake loves riding his bike! He thinks he is so big and he gets so proud to ride it all around the church parking lot. Caden on the other hand could sit in the driver's seat of a car and pretend to drive for who knows how long! When I put him in the back seat we have a real wrestling match sometimes. I don't know what I will do if he gets much stronger! I won't be able to put him in the car. But he makes himself feel better saying, "It's Momma's turn" meaning to drive the car. Because when we take turns at our house it means you get another turn in a minute.

Speaking of which  they boys are just starting to learn to share. I know that twins learn this much earlier than most kids but I believe it's just because they get a crash course in it. We do multiple time outs a day for throwing toys, stealing toys, and screaming when it's not their turn with a coveted toy. Ya, I think I'm living in toddler sharing boot camp. I just hope the boys graduate to a basic functioning level of sharing by the time the baby comes. They will share now with close supervision so we'll see.

It's so funny raising twins. I feel like I have to fight all the battles twice as much so I have to prioritize what I want to teach them that week. For example, they love to jump across my huge tub, causing tidal waves of splashes. Just yesterday I moved the rugs out of the way and pulled the blinds all the way up and just let them splash their little hearts out. I had used up all my teaching for the day and decided wiping up water was less energy than teaching "little splashes." I'm sure that lesson will come, but not this week.

Caden has been jumping out of his crib lately, sometimes hurting himself. We got him a new crib so the baby could use his old one. The new crib turns into a cute toddler bed so I thought I would just let him get used to it before the baby comes. But it is lower to ground which causes the escapes. Ever since then he has not been sleeping well which makes for a very emotional Caden. So for now, the boys have switched rooms until who knows when. Blake is too careful and he likes sleeping too much to jump out of the lower crib. And so far Caden has stayed put in Blakey's crib.

Life is so much better when boys sleep. They are happier, they eat better, they are nicer to me and each other. Their language development is coming right along and it is so fun to finally be communicating with them! It's so wonderful to hand something to Blake and have him say, "Thanks, Mamma." And when Caden gets a little worried about how big a slide is at the park and he calls it "Scary" I know I need to hold his hand and he'll be fine. He also does the funniest whiny little "No" right now that leaves his mouth in a little cheerio and his eyes concerned. And you can't beat the "Snuggle Mamma!" request.

They have the cutest little personalities. They both love life and playing so much! Blake loves attention so much it almost makes him shy, even with me, which makes him silly and show off. Caden is so focused on what he is doing but he looks over every once in a while to just to see if I'm watching. If I am he just continues on with his task but with a little smile on his face and in his eyes. I am one lucky woman.

Wow, now that was an explosion of mommy-talk. I just don't want to forget this time with them. I know these are the best years of my life.

Snow Day!

We finally got a some snow a couple weeks ago up here in Highland and we made the best use of it that we could!